My Style (#10)

I've worked a lot more on being assertive as an RA. This is not my strong suit but I've learned that I have to get over the fear of people being nasty with me and just do what I have to do to get my job done. I did not become an RA to make friends. I feel like I've come a long way from being afraid of people yelling at me. I've gotten used to getting yelled at this year. There are always going to be people that you have to deal with who are not nice so I've learned to stand tall and just be purely professional. I'm still dealing with nothing letting things upset me on a personal level, but that is something that I consider to be a long term goal.

I've learned a lot about taking the initiative to do things. I may not know how to handle everything by protocol but I do know how to ask people how to do things. That's something that I've always been good at for the most part. There are times when something happens and it is just so overwhelming that I don't remember to do what I am supposed to do. I've made a couple of big mistakes in this area and have learned a lot from it. I've been told a lot lately that it is good to make mistakes. I take that to heart. I now do exactly what I am supposed to do when there is a situation on campus and I feel good about it.

I plan on continuing to work on being able to confront people when they are doing something wrong instead of leaving them a note or telling my supervisor about it. I basically need to learn how to be in charge without trying to be so nice. Being nice to everyone does not always get through especially when you are dealing with people who are your age or maybe even a little bit older than you are. I do want to work on that a lot. I don't like to be mean but I'm learning how to be firm , which will come in handy with these girls. :)

Tough Times and Good Friends

Recently my friend has been having issues with her best friend from back home. I was at dinner when she texted me and asked what I was doing. She wanted to know if we could hang out because she was going through some things. Of course I could not say no. So she came over to my dorm and we sat and talked.

We are both pretty religious and practice the Christian faith so we talk about that a lot. Her friend is having issues with finding her faith again and she partially blames my friend. So my friend is rather upset about it because honestly she is a great friend to her. All of this came as such a shock to me that I didn't know what to say to her about it.

Since I was confused as to how I could help I just sat and listened for the most part. I feel like that is the best thing you can do if you don't know how to help, instead of giving horrible advice/suggestions, only making the situation worst. I'm glad that I approached the situation this way because it helped my friend to feel better.

I think that I could maybe ask more questions next time so that I can understand better what's going on, instead of assuming what the situation sounds like without actually knowing. Maybe I could offer to do something that I know she likes doing, to get her mind off of it. But at the same time I think that I should let her talk about the situation as much as she needs to until she feels like she doesn't need to talk about it anymore. I think I did well for someone who just does not like to give advice, but I am more than willing to try harder to offer my help next time. :)

CALL TO ALL YOUNG WOMEN LEADERS

I have so much advice to young women leaders. Not all of it may seem like it has to do with how these leaders can map out a great future but it is all relevent, I promise. All young women first and foremost need to know that whatever you do it needs to be what you want to do and something that you feel in your heart like a heavy rock. If you don't enjoy something so much that it hurts sometimes then I do not believe that it is your calling. I know that this seems a bit dramatic but this is how I truly feel about what we chase after in life.

I think that we sometimes mistake passion for a fling. Now, by definition a fling is a short period of unrestrained pursuit of one's wishes or desires or an attempt at something. There are over ten definitions and I chose the act of flinging as it is used as a noun not a verb to describe this feeling of only a short term longing to ATTEMPT something. I don't know about anyone else but I want my life to be much more than an attempt! A string of attempts, or ongoing tries does not cut it for me at the end of the day. Trying is wonderful but if that is all that we do in life without getting at a goal we spend our lives trying to be something or do something. Don't just try, be! Do it! Never think that your actions are trying, they must be actively doing something. Because then when things get tough trying turns into a whine or an excuse instead of an effort. We don't need thatit just won't suffice!

In my living room my mommy has a plaque that says a woman needs to know how to look like a girl, act like a lady, think like a man, and work like a dog. This quote always fascinated me and I've lived my life trying to model just what this piece of wood in my living room that I would sit and stare at daily. I decided a long time ago that I would not be one to just sit and stare. I didn't think that this had anything to do with this plaque until recently but now I know that this plaque made me think of my mommy and I looked up to her so much and wanted to be like her and model the way for others to follow what this plaque says not only in its words but what it says about women. It shows that women are so many things, not even by choice, but it also is showing us that we should embrace all of the things that we are and that this is the way to do them. Not with anger, resentment, or bitterness, but with grace. We all need to remember this. I try to.

I know that we all have issues with love from time to time. :) I just want to say to every woman to not let someone who loves you or that you love get in the way of your dreams. Do not stay or go because of them. If they truly love you then they will encourage you, with their love, to do what you need to do to make yourself better and to live your life as you originally intended. Just believe me when I say, I know that I am young but I know. It's at this time in life when it happens to us, that we let being in love be our life so I'm first hand inside of the experience so listen! This is the time when we should be looking at ourselves and figuring out who we are and not who we need to be with. I know, it's going to be love. This is a line from a song but to me it means that in life its going to be love that will set us free but it does not necessarily have to always be about two hearts, loving a person, and being with them forever. Don't get me wrong I am not knocking love! I just think that we don't realize that it is more than we can take and that it changes everything that we feel. How will we let this effect us? It's up to you to let it make you stronger or let it tear you down. We may fall down in love but getting back up is what we should live for.

I know that this is not the most formal way to tell women how to be strong and lead but I think they get the point. I'm sure that there is so much more that I could say but I am choosing to just leave the rest up to women to figure out. Others have done it to us and I think that it's a good way to let us all figure out what things mean and truly what they mean to us. Are you a leader yet? :)

Am I Productive?

I feel like I am a productive leader because I use my passion as my drive instead of letting it cloud my mind. Some people cannot seperate their emotions from the job that needs to be done. I just feel like why let your anger or your hurt stop you from reaching your goals? Let them take you to the sky! :) I know that I scored the highest on encourage the heart for my LPI results and I think this begins with home. If I encourage my own heart it comes more natural to encourage the heart of others. I am also a hard worker and I try to set standards for myself and others as a leader which is how I really get things done. I map out a plan of action even just as to how I am going to get through a long day or week. If my floor is having issues I set up a plan as to how we are going to go about fixing these issues. The thing that makes this productive is that I talk to the people on my floor so then I know their point of view and we try to understand each other's point of view on the issues. This works well for me!
I get things done by making sure that my plan is realistic. I am not always realistic but there are times that we all need to be so that we don't drown in our own goals. If you are doing too much nothing will get done! Everything will get a little work but not enough for things to succeed without breaking you down in the process. So just maintaining moderation is how I get things done.
I think that I could not do as many things so then my attention could be even greater on the things that I choose to focus on. I know that I have a lot on my plate but I know that I can handle it. I don't know if its that I haven't found the one or two things that I really want to do or if it is that I don't want to give up things that I really enjoy working on. I think for the most part I don't want to stop doing these things that I love. I'm not one of those people who has to have her hand in everything but if I feel passionate enough to sacrifice sleep or time on the phone with my boyfriend then honestly that is something that I know I need in my life or it will be on my mind distracting me from the other things that I need to get done. I also know that I can be a lot more assertive and direct. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings or piss anyone off so I try to be subtle but as I have seen time and time again subtlety does not always get the point across. There are cases in which extremity is needed and I do need to start using it a significant amount more. I'm not 100% productive as many of us college students are not, but I am getting there. And I've also learned that being productive does not mean that I cannot have fun, take breaks, or eat ice cream first instead of last after my homework is done. I think I'm learning the difference between being productive and being miserably strenuous in the way that I get things done.

Madsen Taught Me

I learned from Madsen's book that no matter what our background and circumstance we can all prosper. I didn't come from a background with many advantages but everyone has at least one advantage whether it is materialistic or within themselves that they can use to their advantage. All of these women came from different backgrounds whether they were from a single parent home, had siblings, or a role model in their house that they could look up to, they all succeeded. I'm always telling people that they can do anything no matter what and I just seem like the crazy overly-idealistic little black girl. That may be the case but I always thought higher than what I needed to. This thinking got me into a performing arts middle and high school, it got me the title National Achiever, got me into college and many other things that I am so glad I have been apart of. Life is difficult enough as a woman so why make it harder? Make it a path that you want to remember and something that is worthy to look back on and share with others. It is not a question of difficulty its a question of where you want your place in life to be. These women chose that they wanted a great place in life and I admire them so much for this.

I feel like my friends and I can be related to these women in the way that they never let obstacles get in their way. My friends and I always try to embrace what difficulties life brings to us. There are always going to be set backs in life but we can't let that hinder our attitude. By telling ourselves that if we get through it we will be stronger we seem to be able to overcome anything.

One of my friends come from a family with a lot of problems. Her father is an alcoholic who she just let back in her life not too long ago. I sometimes think that she treats her father not very well and then I remember how much she loves him and the fact that he has let her down so much and know why she acts this way. By staying strong and not just letting him slide with everything she shows him that she will not tolerate it when he is drunk. She will not deal with it, and yet she is doing better with him than any of her other four siblings are. She is the one in charge of his will, pulling the plug if he is on life support, and she spends the most time with him. To me, that is so much stronger than she could be. I know how it is, I have issues with my father as well. She is doing better than I am.

My other friend comes from a family who is not rich, but she is well off. Money really does not equal happiness. She has struggled with depression a lot in her life. Her family may seem perfect but they have many issues. She is unhappy a lot of the time and used to be on depression medication at some point. The thing I admire most about her is her willingness to let go. She needed that medication once upon a time but realized when she needed to get off of it, instead of continuing to use it, to numb the pain. That was tough, she had to physically withdrawal from her medication, but she still got through it. She knows when to let go and move on, which helps her to make decisions in her life that will be better for her future, no matter how difficult they may be.

These are strong women that I surround myself with. I learn from them everyday. They think that I am doing well and they tell me how much they look up to me but they don't know that they are the ones who influence me to wake up in the morning, to go run my erronds, and to know that sometimes you have to skip a nap. They keep me grounded and also keep me from drowning. My friends bring honesty to me and I need so much of that in my daily decisions. I love the strength that they give me. :)

Reflection #5

If I were to design a new university from the ground up what would it be like? :) I would have the best professors ever. While I feel that it is great to have professors with a great background in their own education it does not necessarily make the professor a better teacher. I want people who will teach my students. I also understand that just because you have background in a certain area that does not mean that you should be teaching that subject at a college. Well to that effect I think that co-teaching is a great way to go. This could be an issue because adults may not be used to this method of teaching and working together. But, I feel that it opens us up to know what it feels like once again to be in college. We all keep learning no matter where we are and what we are doing so I believe that this will give the professors a greater understanding of what the students are going through. Although the professors may have experienced college life before we do often forget what we do not need to worry about any longer. We could have a team of someone who has a degree in what the subject is as well as experience in teaching the subject. The other professor will have experience in field work on the subject and/or a heavy background in personal participation in the subject. I feel that this is the best way to reach students from a position on leadership touching on how we get people to listen and follow. This will help us to encourage the heart, enable others to act, inspire a shared vision, challenge the process, as well as model the way. And this is just the beginning!
While it is the opinion of the individual whether there is enough diversity on the campus I feel that there needs to be a lot of diversity, whatever it may be to you.
I would also have more themed housing.
Overall I believe that an institution of higher education should be concentrated more than it is. The old fashioned idea of a higher education institution is a class of maybe five people who meet in a relaxed setting and have intellectual discussions. These days we dismiss this idea as too informal or not of a true learning setting. I'd like to bring that back. I love that Chatham is a small institution but not small enough. I'd like to bring to the table an idea of a small institution without making it feel that we are elite and exclusive. To have a laid back environment where you learn more because the professor is able to pay more attention to their students. This gives the student an opportunity to have a meaningful relationship with their professor. A personal relationship is not necessarily a negative effect to professionalism. It gives students a reason to be more interested in school.
Also, I do not see the need to take so many classes at one time. It is said that if you are trying to be good at one thing essentially you will never master anything. I think that this fully applies to classwork as well. While we should have to take classes in many different areas is there a reason that we really need to take them all at once? I did not think so.
The location is essential. I feel that a place that provides enough of a getaway is great. I farm setting that can easily be accessed but at the same time does not provide such an easy escape.
I just to create a place that feels like a real home. Not a house with nothing inside. A home with people who are willing to change and make their new house a home both in academics and in social aspects.

Reflection #4

I think that the most unrealistic aspects of being an RA placed upon us by students is that either we know everthing or that we can act as their mothers in the absence of their own. I love that my residents come to me with questions and I love that I can help them but I do not like the attitudes that I get whenever I do not have an answer. I feel like I am disappointing them but honestly it is more disappointing to me that the residents feel the need to make us feel about the same knowledge that they are lacking. I do everything in my power to find the answers that everyone needs. Also, if I do not know they usually do not ask anyone else. I think that as apart of coming to college is learning not to just ask questions but to ask a lot of them to anyone who may listen. I also think that every small concern should not be brought to an RA's attention every time it happens, especially if it is the same thing over and over again. Instead of stopping by the RA's room three times a day they should take care of it themselves, leave me a note, or send me an email. It's not that I do not want to hear it but it makes me feel like my mother when I am at home. I will repeatedly tell her that I am hungry until she sends me away, feeds me, or tells me to do it myself. I do not want to keep feeding my residents.
I feel that administration places too much stress on programming. It is already difficult to survive in college without the extra work. Taking the job we all know what we are in store for but it seems unnecessary at times. There is not high attendance at both programs. The six programs plus the cross campus and our teas are a bit much. If it was just one of these sets per house or apartment that would be fine but we forget that every RA is doing this amount of work plus what student activities are doing. It is a bit unreasonable.
I think that these things are expected because people associate the title with assisting in every aspect of living. Students expect us to help with everything and administration expects us to be the middle man or even catalyst to activity on campus and bringing everyone together as a community. I think that bringing everyone together is so important but at the same time it is more difficult when we have to spread the word and try to get participation for everything that is going on, on campus as well as do the same for our own programming.
I do feel that I have handled this well so far. I pass on necessary emails of programs or just have spontaneous conversations about programs that I know about. I take more effort into spreading the word on my programs as far as going the extra mile. Not that other programs are not as important but we should all expect that if we all pitch in to spread the word about programs that together the word gets spread. For our own programs we need to take intitiative more because no one else will do it and in fact it is our responsibility.

Reflection #3

I think that my SLPI results are interesting. I feel like I scored better in many areas than I thought that I would. I never thought that I would be the person who would enable others to act. For myself, I feel like anyone can make change, except me. I don't feel that I'm noticable. I think that my voice is too small to create change. I guess others don't see it that way. This gives me hope that maybe they are right. Everyone says that they want change but I am truly willing to give my life to change.
Encourage the heart is something that I take pride in being. Since it was a tie between this and enable others to act I chose this one to be my pride. Sometimes people call me sensative but it's not that I am sensative I just care. We all have emotions and sometimes this is what drives us to do what we do. If we don't have a drive then in what way will we be motivated? We cannot depend on others for a modivational source. It starts within.
I think that this will help me in our leadership project. Now that I know what I am good at I know where I should come in on the project as far as the process. I also think that it will help me as an RA because I know what I need to work on either within groups or individually to get better at. I know what to pay attention to and also I will get to understand how to use what I am good at to strengthen my weaknesses. Not to say that if I am good at something I will not work on it but I'd rather not have my strengths outway my weaknesses. Being fully capable, mobile, and well-rounded is a vital part of being an RA. I'd like to do anything in my power to see myself in a better place for my weaknesses.

Men vs. Men AND Women

I feel that gender always takes a role in the leadership experience. Whether its who is leading or who is being lead the atmosphere changes, so in turn you must as well. I do not believe for a moment that we all lead women and men the same. If we are in a group of women we tend to be harder on each other because we expect more from women. When leading men we take into account that we expect them to be strong as well but do not relate ourselves personally to their strengths as we do women. We do not know what it is like to be a man so we do not force more on them than we think they can handle, from an outside prospective. It takes a good woman to know a good man. But, in a position of leadership we do not always know the persons who we are leading very well at the beginning of the journey together, we are often times building relationships not extenuating them. So, it seems as if there can be one of two things going on: we expect a lot from the men that we have known previously, and we expect too little from men that we do not yet know. If you are a woman leading amongst woman you feel strong and empowered much of the time. You feel that there is an immediate connection because of the biological relation to one another. Although there are times when we may feel discomfort around women, we, as women, are usually able to find something within one another to ease the discomfort. We can always talk about our kids, cramps, OBG/YN appointments, or any other womanly aspects of our lives, because there are going to be commonalities no matter what type of person we may be, we are all women. On the matter of leading men and women, this can be a tricky subject. It becomes more of an individual thing in this case. I would initially treat everyone equally but as I see how everyone works, and what people prefer to do or not do I will adapt to their needs and come to them individually for encouragement in a way that I see fit for that person. There are certain aspects of leadership that appeal to men and women. Most people want their leader to exemplify stength and confidence in what they are doing. But sometimes men need for a woman to make them feel like a man to encourage them to work for the team; and woman may need to feel stronger, or as strong as the men in some fashion to work with them in a group. Everyone needs to feel like they have strengths in a group and of course everyone will have weaknesses, and these come by the person. By identifying the group strengths/weaknesses and individual strengths/weaknesses it is easier to lead men and women at the same time because the group does not always have to be divided into these two groups. If we ignore sex then it truly takes no merit in the group. If we just see a group with different aspects we can fix them as a group not as men and women.

My Residential Experience

My first residential experience was here at Chatham. I live in Fickes on the first floor. At first I felt independant... and then my family left and went home. I began to immediately miss their precense. But with the help of my friends I got over that feeling soon enough. I started to feel independant and like I belonged. I noticed that while everyone seemed to keep to themselves that only lasted about a few hours. By the third day of orientation eveyone had formed "cliques" and stayed with the same people at all times. Everyone was friendly to each other in the hallways and passing each other on campus but once settled that's where they were. We may think that college is different but it is the same as high school in the sense that when we find where we want to be and that's where we stay. The only difference is the labels. There doesn't seem to be any of that. But there is still the "Oh Laura, the one who hangs out with Allison from down the hall Laura? Oh yeah, I know her" type of thing. That is how we identify no matter where we are, or so it seems. No one is ever an individual or else we would not know who they are. But that is not always such a bad thing. People are always known for something whether it may be who they hang out with or what it is that they do. It's just that we do not know each other well enough to identify with anything other than the daily habits that we witness. Although, it seems as if people have known each other for years in how they interact with one another. People are always leaning on one another, talking about their problems, sharing anything that their new friends may need. It's not just that they are generous but everyone genuinely cares about the people that they hang out with. It is miraculous to see that people can be so close in such little time. That's the one thing about college that will always be good. The cycle of life is different. You live with these people, eat with these people, learn with everyone, and at the end of the day you are that much stronger together because of the massive time spent together. Never would we have gotten that in high school. College is a beautiful place.